It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
