Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
