i already hear my dad disowning me
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
