you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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