guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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