There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
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