ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
