so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
