i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
