Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
