I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
