How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
