this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
