so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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