I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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