The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
