I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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