I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
