I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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