Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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