The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
