you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize