I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Even my vagina gasped.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
