come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
