I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
