Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I think my moral compass just broke
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
