oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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