Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
ok first of all what the fuck
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize