Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
