my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
