I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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