I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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