So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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