i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
