I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
