Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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