I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
