Your face is a jimmy john
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
