Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize