Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
