Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
