At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
