OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
