i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Someone shattered a urinal.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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