So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
