I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
