i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
