ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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