did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
