I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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