We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
