WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
