respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
