Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
