one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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