Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
