i would punch a child for taco bell
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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