But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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