i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
