Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
