walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
