another moral hangover. fuck.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Randomize
