Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
