I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
